February 2012
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So...
I am home alone for the first time in months. I enjoy my independence, so this weekend is like a vacation for me. How am I spending the evening you ask? I am drinking wine and enjoying life. Yes, my back still hurts, but I am drunk enough that I don’t care. Wine is awesome. Wine is my friend.
I am going to pay for this tomorrow, because when you have chronic pain your hangover hits...
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What a Pain in the Back
Today I was trying to express my frustration to someone, and I accidentally said “it is such a pain in the back.” Talk about a Freudian slip! Most people would have used the term “neck” or “a**,” but neither of those hurt when I become frustrated. Rather, whenever anything is bothering me it causes the pain in my back to flare up. Frustration, annoyance, and...
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Pissed Off At My Pain
Today I am unbelievably frustrated by my pain. The throbbing and stabbing pain that is radiating through my back and down into my tailbone is driving me freaking insane. Most days I can put on my game face, work, smile, and get through the day. However, today I am just plain pissed off at my pain.
I know that the pain is part of me, but it feels like some external force that decided to...
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Pain Changes You
My friends and family always tell me “we miss the old you.” In the beginning, I would tell them that the “old” me would be back. After months of pain my response became “me, too.” I did miss the “old” me and wanted that version of myself back more than anything. However, over the last 10 months of living with chronic and severe pain, I realize...
“Without pain, how could we know joy?’ This is an old argument in the field of...”
– (via project3x5)
Exactly!
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Can you quantify it?
Throughout my time dealing with pain specialists and doctors who are treating my bulging discs, spinal/neck injuries, chronic back pain and related depression always ask me the same question: how much does it hurt on a scale of 1-10? One being no pain and ten being the worst pain possible. How depressed do you feel on a scale of 1-10? One being euphorically happy and 10 being suicidal.
Every...
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Moving Forward
Just before my accident last year, my mom sold my childhood home with the intention of applying for a new job in California near one of her oldest and dearest friends. However, after my accident my mom could not bear to live far away from me. She decided to stay for as long as I need her and move after my injuries were better.
While I am still hurting, I do not need my mom’s assistance...
January 2012
3 posts
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Change
Things occur every day that have the potential to change our lives. Some things we simply disregard because their impact is minimal. Other things we adapt to in order to survive or even to progress to a new stage in our lives. The things with the most impact are usually the ones who anticipate the least, but they have the potential to change life as we know it.
Some of these life-changing...
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The End of the World as I Know It
It is officially the end of the world as I know it, and I don’t mean that in a good way.
To set the scene of this somewhat manic post, on April 4th, 2011 my life took a turn for the worse. When I was driving from work to meet a friend for dinner, a drunk driver looked down to send a text message while she was driving and veered into my lane. I reacted as quickly as I could, and I narrowly...
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Fearlessness...
This is a concept that I have been contemplating quite a bit recently. What is it to be fearless? I am probably the last person on the planet who will ever find out, because there has never been a time in my life when I wasn’t afraid of something… let alone a lot of things.
When I was a kid I should have been carefree, but I lost my father at a very young age. This caused me to develop a...